Exam time

i'm half dead from all this exam stress and studying and generally being awake during exam time, so i figured there was only one thing left to do.
no, not study for my two exams tomorrow.
no, not get to bed early so that i can refresh my mind.
no, not have a mental breakdown.
i figured i would blog. for a minute. to clear my mind and relax my forehead muscles. i just realized i was tense.

so, THIS is what exams are like. i forgot. i kind of liked it better that way, to tell you honestly. i mean, really. who the hell needs this? history wasn't so bad, but science is going to knock the living hell out of me.
molecule this, ion that, acid this, compound that.
fuck that shit.

i think i'll just go make some instant quaker oatmeal (that shit is like crack if you know how to work it) and study. save my sorry ass. thing is, studying makes me all nervous. where do i even begin? i've already reviewed with friends.
where to go? what to look over?
i feel as if it would just make me more confused.

PDA

(decided to switch the fonts up. just purple is BORING)

i'm just going to talk about PDA for a few minutes, because there are no current issues and i just need to rant.

so. for those of you who don't know, PDA stands for "public displays of affection".
what do i think about PDA?
a little peck from your boyfriend or girlfriend now and then is fine. no problem there. you're off the hook.
an abnormal amount of pecks from your boyfriend or girlfriend (one every 5-10 seconds) can get a little excessive, but people still tolerate it. they figure, "it's young love. they're allowed."
but when it gets to the point where you're just going at it like youre trying to activate the gag reflex, YOU HAVE TO STOP.

there's an unspoken rule that you cant just be sitting on a bench like you're in the fucking tunnel of love or some shit. THERE IS NO WALL THERE. WE CAN SEE YOU.

everyone understands that sometimes you need to show affection, but really. can't you just save up your saliva for later?
is it that difficult to keep your hands inside your pockets, people?

A time-saving realization

i really do wonder how many countless hours of our precious lives we spend worrying about matters that are completely out of our hands - matters that, even if we stay up all night staring at the ceiling and drooling, cannot be influenced for the moment.

if you think about it, what's the use of thinking about things that fall into that category?
i say, worrying is all an illusion.
sure, you can worry, but what in the world is that going to do for you? all that matters is what happens in the end - and only then can you influence what happens.
... when it actually happens.

people drive themselves CRAZY over things like
"what if this happens? then what?"
"what should i do in the event of this?"
"but what if i never get another chance?"
"how can i prepare myself?"

SHUT. UP. if you think these thoughts, youre just going to end up in a looney bin at a too-young age.
hear me out: why bother with that stuff? why waste your time with the what-ifs? why not just go out and live out the other parts of your life while the part that youre worrying about is untouchable?
it'll come around, don't worry. but until then, i'm sorry to say, no amount of thinking will make it arrive any faster.

Aaand ... nothing

do you know what really sucks?
anticipation, and then a really anticlimactic event.

when you're waiting for something, waiting for what seems like forever, and you're so hyped and ready that when you merely think about that thing, your heart starts pounding like hell. you build yourself up so much that the moment HAS to be perfect, or else you'll just be disappointing yourself - even if the whole thing is out of your control.

you prepare everything to the tee, you get ready, your timing is dead-on, and you're moving. you know that this one thing is going to be so fulfilling, the feeling of accomplishment will last you until the next morning.

the target approaches. your heart is in your throat and you're praying for your plan to work. your expression is blank but your mind is overflowing with "what if"s, and "this is it"s.
what if it doesnt work? well, this is it, so i guess im going to find out.

and then,
nothing.
the opportunity comes and passes, and the whole fairtytale vision just dies. you realize that everything you've orchestrated so intricately, everything that was so important to you, ended up being a dud.

so what do you do?
you rinse and repeat tomorrow.

The best feeling, or at least one of them

i'm just going to go ahead and describe the proceedings of a snow day.

the night before is where it begins. the changing of the facebook statuses, the checking of the weather websites, the excited chatter among friends: "pray for a snow day!"
you hope and you pray and you keep your fingers crossed all night.

then, you wake up.
the clock says 8:15, and you freak the hell out because you're like, "OH MY GOD I'M SO FUCKING LATE FOR SCHOOL!", not realizing what's going on.
you make your way downstairs, ready to yell at your mom for not waking you, when the white just blinds you.

you look through your windows, and a billion feet of snow are piled up high, snow still falling lightly from the sky.
everything hits you, and you run to the phone to call up your closest friends to tell them that "ITS A SNOW DAY, FUCKERS!"


will this happen tomorrow? we shall see.

In this day and age ...

Life can get confusing sometimes, especially when you're trying to figure out whether someone's insane or not.

In the world of bluetooth and barely-there headsets, when can you really tell whether or not someone is wacko? When you see someone walking down the street having an animated conversation with somebody who is clearly NOT by their side, how can you quickly tell if there's a little earpiece lodged in their ear?

You can never know, can you?
Well, if you have the opportunity, you can probably check very easily.
BUT STILL! The question remains.

Really though, screw bluetooth. How hard is it to hold a phone?
And how many times have you responded, with a confused short sentence, to somebody who seems to be talking to you - but is really talking on the phone?

Do you believe?

do you believe in signs? sometimes things in life are too coincidental to just happen for no reason, you know what i mean?
do you think that theres "someone out there" who sometimes tries to warn you, or help you out? it sounds really spiritual and weird and all that, but ...

i don't really believe in any of that kind of psycho crap, especially superstition. all the friday the 13th stuff, the black cats, walking under ladders. i was born on a friday the 13th, goddammit, imagine what kind of life i would have if i was superstitious.

but the whole sign thing.
it just seems weird sometimes - and it all depends on the way you interpret things, too. because for all you know, that "someone" might be trying to send you a message that you're just not getting because you don't think that deeply, or look that far.

just a thought!
i just wonder sometimes if coincidendce is really just a coincidence.

"Those moments"

some things happen in your past that take you a little bit of time to put behind you. but, as time goes on, even if you thought you could never forget, the memory somehow slips away. you lock it up and replace it with something fresh.

but do you ever have one of those moments when something goes off in your mind and all the thoughts just come flooding back and settle like they never left? some kind of trigger breaks a barrier and there's no stopping the hole in your stomach from forming - sometimes, when you least expect it.

i would say that "those moments" are probably some of the worst feelings of all time. because just when you think that something is behind you, you realize that no matter how far back in time it might be, it can just swing right back around and hit you in the back of the head ... like a really bitchy revolving door.

it can really ruin your day, or however much of it remains, depending on what time it is. i mean, who likes to wallow in their past sorrows?

a "moment" happened to me today. hit me like a frying pan.
but i guess the only self-cure is to think of everything you've built since then, and how much you don't need that element of your past life anymore.
out with the old, in with the new?

(i feel like this post was really badly worded. whatever)

Ethics, or UNETHICAL?

i heard a lovely story in school today.
what makes it not so lovely is the fact that my ethics teacher was the one that was telling it to us.
you tell ME if you think that students should be exposed to this craziness:

"so, back when i was in university, i was at this party. i met this girl, we hit it off, i thought things were totally cool between us, right? so i invited her back to my place. now, it was like, three in the morning, so you would think that she would have known that we weren't exactly going to go play jeopardy or something, right?"
*laughter from class*
"so we get there, and i make a move on her. and she's all like, 'HUH?' she was totally shocked!"

... well then. that's the tale of the times (i think i just invented an expression). i now have yet another story to add to my inventory of "things about my ethics teacher's sex life". SCORE!

You Can Say THAT Again.

i'm going to take a poll, even though i don't really care what anybody else says, because i already know the right answer (even though some would argue that there is no "right answer")

is it possible to have a thing for somebody you've never spoken to for? somebody whose name you don't know?

as i said, i already know the answer, and the answer is yes, so if you answered no, you lose.

it's quite frustrating, actually, so i suggest that if you're one of the blind people who doesn't believe in all that, i don't suggest you start.
it doesn't really matter what the allure is, it just matters that it's there. could be the way they carry themself, something about their looks, something original about the way they dress, you name it. and if you can't pinpoint it, you'll still know that the curiosity is there. you feel it.

i wonder which is more frustrating, though; seeing them once and assuming youll never see them again, or knowing that youll see them again (for example, they go to a school, so you know which bus they get on after school). if you know theyll be there, you might find yourself running around like a maniac, trying to catch that one bus, so to speak.

this applies more to the one-time person, but in any case, you ask yourself; what would happen if you ever saw them again? what would you do?


A NOTE FROM OUR SPONSORS: be careful out there, kids. chances are you won't get raped if you happen to get picked up, but people are fucking assholes who are quite good at lying. and don't be fooled by their charm. the charmers are the killers. (not literally, don't freak out)

Shakespeare

is it just me, or does nobody understand shakespeare?
i mean, really. is this guy on crack? what the fuck is he talking about anyway? all this bla bla about fair maidens and love and death. does anybody really get it?

i saw a shakespeare play tonight that my school put on. i understood a solid half of it, which REALLY isn't bad. i almost knew what each character's name was, so thats progress ...
when they did macbeth last year, during intermission i asked a friend why macbeth wasn't in the play.
it turns out that he was.
but i had no idea what was going on, so how was i supposed to know?

someone should just modernize all shakespeare plays. im sure theyre lovely scripts, but really, dont lie, i know that all of you have been on "no fear shakespeare" (the sparknotes division) if youve ever had to read one of his many plays.

The Effective Way to Work

do you know what's great?
cramming.

i just did some myself, and now at 11:27 pm, i'm still not done my work, and i won't be finishing it until tomorrow. AKA the day it's due.
oh wait, did i say that cramming is good?

i meant to say that it SUCKS SHIT AND YOU SHOULD NEVER PROCRASTINATE LIKE ME.
just don't do it, kids. it's not good for you OR your report card ... unless you can pull off that kind of thing.
but here i am, tired as a ... whatever the fuck ... and i still have work to do that's simply not going to get done today. i guess that's what lunch is for. you would think that it would be simply for eating, but that's only a fraction of the possibilities.
it's like how us humans only use 10% of our brain capacity.

i'm just gonna go ahead and sleep, i've already packed it in for the day! what an unfulfilling feeling, going to bed not having done your work. ugh. yuck. good day.